When I was a kid, I distinctly remember tipping cereal all over the kitchen floor quite a few times. I would frantically sweep it all up before getting pasted by one of my parents. Then I’d usually spill milk everywhere because of the sheer weight of the 400 litre goon of a milk jug every family in the 90s had. Thinking about eating Frosties, with the addition of Walter’s bulldog hairs, grosses me out now because of all the sugar! 

Like Frosties, I’ve recently turned on the fry-up. I love all of the components individually but as one mass it’s way too much. Irish fry-ups are a step too far, swapping toast and tomatoes for greasy ‘soda farl’ and more meat. The feeling after you’ve had it is the worst- it’s like sleeping with your best friend’s husband and then playing a video of it to your nan. I like my heart and colon too much to make fry-ups a regular thing.

My favourite brekkies are meat free (or meat light) and I’ve even got Mr Ulster Fry on the wagon. My favourites being ‘Sh*t on a raft’ which is what mother and I fondly call mushrooms on toast (I add thyme to give it a really savoury HIT). I also love tomatoes on toast with a wee bit of garlic. And finally, being ever so zeitgeist, avocados on toast. I’ve had to absolutely jump on the bandwagon for that one! I’m so glad Nigella was ridiculed for doing an avocado on toast recipe otherwise I’d be writing a ridiculous dissertation about them claiming I invented the concept. However, they are boss; I swear one a week stops me from getting spots! 

I am not writing this breakfast recipe in the usual format because I saw what happened to poor Nigella (the avocado thing, not the crazy husband thing). So, avocados and poached egg on toast. When I say toast, I mean sourdough bread (no butter). When I say poached egg, I mean Delia Smith’s method. And when I say avocado, I would implore you to squeeze lemon juice all over it and then sprinkle it with salt, pepper and chilli flakes. If you eat meat- rip up some Serrano ham and pop it on. Him and I had a row about who gets the driest, most cured part of the slice of ham. I think we’re edging towards pretentious but I’ll discuss that over breakfast, washed down with Chai tea?! Right, I’m off to buy some Frosties, Nesquik and have a word with myself.